One year ago today, I left for Texas. Many of my family and friends did not understand this journey, or the need for it, or judged it to be wrong or excessive or 'unlike' me or good for me or whatever they thought. I've come to learn that people will judge the decisions you make for yourself no matter what the decision is, especially people who love & care for you. Anyway, one year ago today, I left, and I still remember everything I was feeling sitting in that airport with one kitty in a duffle bag on my right shoulder, and the other kitty in a duffle bag on my left. I felt utterly consumed by uncomfort & anxiety & sadness & fear, but like it was EXACTLY what I needed to do.
This morning, I finished reading "The Alchemist" - a book which talks about journeys and omens and realizing your Personal Legend - and (I won't spoil the ending) what a fitting book to finish on the one-year anniversary of the day I set off on MY journey to settle my heart. I've learned that sometimes life calls for you to venture off in the completely wrong and excessively opposite direction in order to get to the right direction for yourself, which -- ironically -- is usually exactly where you started. However the journey NEEDS to be taken because the knowledge you acquire from the wrong & excessive journey is what was missing at your original starting point. heart emoticon
This is what my journey to Texas and back did for me. This is what my journey in & out of teaching did for me. Each one of these "failures" was really a jolt to a greater success for myself. Looking back at this past year, almost everything was an omen - from people I met to things I wanted to try - and only when I was still & genuinely going through something uncomfortable & unknown did I intuitively feel a resounding 'YES!' about a decision I should make.
I always say 'life is hard', but I've learned life is funny, too. ...when you don't try to distract yourself away from the hard stuff (and in this day and age there are SOOOOOOO many distractions), when you allow yourself to go through life's struggles & uncertainty, and you try to take lessons from them and acquire new knowledge about yourself and aim to get better and be better, LIFE WILL MAKE YOU BETTER. Life will give you the great things truly meant for you.
I am a living testament to that. I don't think it was luck. I think one year ago today, sitting in that airport with both my kitties - feeling sacred & alone - that today's blessings were already destined. I had to be patient, I had to scout out the omens, and I had to go through it to get through it. I am so incredibly grateful for and happy about where I currently am, who I'm currently with, and what I'm currently doing with my days... but I'm here to say the struggle came first. Many struggles came first, and I'm sure more struggles will come, but today I am so grateful. I want to hold the hand of that version of myself from year ago and whisper in her ear "You got this. Just wait. Things are going to get really good."